well...
it seems im always badgering on about the same story...
im fed up of hearing the same lies, hearing the same stories... telling the of the same horrors...
im actually tired of reiterating myself... but seeing as noones (possibly) ever gona read this i can let loose and go mad...
Is it wrong for me to expect a boyfriend (my bf) to understand when im stressed or hurt or angry or just plain numb? is it wrong for me to want his undivided attention for even a second of the day? is it wrong for me to get annoyed when he says sorry i have to talk to so and so about this when he's had ALL day to do it and decides to do it when im with him?
Im not an exceptionally needy person... im not moody, im not like every other girl...
im me... and for me to expect my bf to understand where im coming from doesnt seem like im asking him to be atlas for the week does it?
why do i always end up crying and thinking its my fault? why do i feel so angry that its almost like the hulk wants to explode from my body? is it my hearts way of telling me to let go? is it my minds way of creating walls so noone else can get in and hurt me?
i dont know... i never expect anything coz the moment i do im ALWAYS disappointed... always, without fail... the only thing i can count on is myself. and when its like that its a pretty lonely existence...
im tired of feeling like the bad guy. when he's pissed me off and i ignore his calls i feel bad coz i cant go to sleep without telling him i love him. im not this person.. im not this angry person...
i dont know what to do, or say, or feel coz im so scared he's just gona mash me up and make me into putty (putty gets left out and forgotten and dries up and is unmallable)...
aaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh i just wana scream
my head is a ticking time bomb... i cant explain this all to you... it wont come out... all i can do is keep it in...
so i spose when i explode and lose everything.. i'll only have myself to blame and i spose thats as bad as it possibly could be right? or being disappointed in myself could be worse... i dono
its all jumbles...
sorry
stay safe
xx
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